2017 was supposed to be the year I became a serious runner. I had my sights set on a personal best at the Calgary half marathon. Last year, I somehow pulled off a 2:16:42, which for me is speedy. This year, I decided, I was going to pull off a 2:10:00.
I started training with an amazing personal trainer at my gym. We’ve been working on corrective exercises, strengthening my core, and adding overall muscle.
When the race came at the end of May, it was a bad day. I’ve been struggling with both extreme anxiety and excruciating migraines in the weeks leading up to the race. My regular race day buddy wasn’t there, as she had quit running the year prior due to health reasons. The day was hotter than I expected.
I ran. Did I run my best? No. I missed my time from last year by nearly 10 minutes. I like to say that I’m okay with this. I pretended I was. But I wasn’t. The smile in the picture up top is so fake.
I came back from Calgary with new motivation. To sign up and run the Edmonton half marathon at the end of August. To complete in 2:10. I have run the 10k race at this event for the last three years. I figured I wanted a new challenge.
Somewhere between then and now, I lost my motivation to run. My migraines are back in full force, sidelining my training. My anxiety has been all consuming, resulting in lack of sleep and missed work. I went on vacation to see my family and only ran twice in a week. Since being back, I haven’t ran at all. It just hit two weeks since I last laced up. I feel like I’m simply full of excuses and not enough drive.
I believe a 2:10 half is off the table for August. I believe even running a half marathon in August is off the table. So I’m changing my goals.
I’m going to run a 5k and a 10k race before the end of the summer. I signed up for a 5k on July 22. I’m going to run a 10k instead of the half at the end of August. I’m going to try to enjoy running again. Focus on the good it does for my body and mind. The quietness of my brain. The structure of a running routine. The challenging nature of working with my trainer again.
I want to run happy again.
I’m going to try.